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Edited for Television
When the Die Hard movies run on TV, they are usually edited to remove language and excess violence. Here are a list of changes made to the theatrical release. Die Hard *John saying "Jesus. Fuckin' California!" after being kissed is edited out. *John's line, "Son of a bitch..." is cut out. *John's line, "Shit!" is cut out. *The shot of Takagi's blood splattering the glass is cut out. *John: Why didn't you stop him, John?! (instead of "why the fuck didn't you stop him, John?!" *John: Because you'd be dead, too! (instead of "because you'd be dead too, asshole!") *John: Think...think! (instead of "think, god damn it, think!") *John: I'll kiss your dalmatian! (instead of "your fucking dalmatian") *John: Oh, you stupid–NO! NO! (instead of "you stupid motherfuckers! NO! NO!") *John's line, "Turn the fucking truck around!" is cut out. *John: Drop it. (instead of "Drop it, dickhead.") *John's line, "Fuck! FUCK!" is edited out. *Theo: You bet I wish to proceed. (instead of "you bet your ass I wish to proceed") *Ellis's line, "Aw, Christ. He could fuck this whole thing up," is cut out. *Ellis: His job's 3000 miles away. (instead of "Bullshit. His job's 3000 miles away.") *John: Do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza?! (instead of "No fucking shit, lady, do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza?!" *John: Fine, come and arrest me! (instead of "Fine, report me, come the fuck down here and arrest me!") *John's line, "Shit, where the fuck is it?" is edited out. *John's line, "Oh, fuck," is edited out. *John's line, "I'll put this fuckin..." is edited out. *John: FREEZE! DROP IT! (instead of "FREEZE, MOTHERFUCKER! DROP IT!") *John's line, "Put that fucking gun down now!" is cut out. *John's line, "Drop the fucking gun!" is cut out. *Powell's line, "SHIT! GOD DAMN IT! JESUS H. CHRIST!" is cut out. *Several uses of "God damn it!" by Powell in the same scene are cut out. *John: Yippee-ki-yay! (instead of "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!") *John's line, "Add all that up, I don't know what the fuck it means, but you got some badass perpetrators, and they're here to stay" is cut out. *Robinson: He could be a bartender for all we know! (instead of "Jesus Christ, Powell! He could be a fucking bartender for all we know!") *Robinson: It's probably the same silly son you've been talking to on that radio. (instead of "son of a bitch") *John's line, "You macho assholes, no! NO!" is cut out. *Theo: "...the four coming in the rear..." (instead of "the four assholes coming in the rear") *John: Geronimo. (instead of "Geronimo, motherfucker!") *The following exchange is cut out: **'John': Is the building on fire? **'Powell': No, but it's gonna need a paintjob and a shitload of screen doors. *The scene in which John and Robinson argue over the radio is cut out. *Ellis's line, "The guy upstairs fucking things up, huh?" is cut out. *John: And you're neither. (instead of "and you're neither, shithead") *John: Hans, Ellis doesn't know what kind of man you are. (instead of "this shithead") *John's line, "What the fuck?" is cut out. *John's line, "What the fuck are you doing up here?" is cut out. *The following exchange is cut out: **'John': Think I'm fucking stupid, Hans? **'Hans': You were saying? *John's line, "Jesus Christ!" is cut out. *Theo's line, "and the electromagnetic came down like a fucking anvil" is cut out. *John's line, "Motherfucker!" is cut out. *John: I'm gonna kill you, I'm gonna cook you, and I'm gonna eat you! (instead of "I'm gonna kill you, I'm gonna fucking cook you, and I'm gonna fucking eat you!") *John: I'M ON YOUR SIDE! (instead of "I'M ON YOUR SIDE, YOU ASSHOLES!") *Agent Johnson's line, "Shit! Swing around again! I'll nag this little bastard," is cut out. *John's line, "Oh, John, what the fuck are you doing? How the fuck did you get into this shit?" is cut out. *Hans: Yippee-ki-yay. (instead of "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker") Die Hard 2 *John's line, "Son of a bitch," is cut out. *The shots of Stuart's buttocks are cut out. *Lady: I zap any--that--with me. ("bastard" and "screws" are muted) *The shot of the church watchman getting killed is cut short. *Vito's line, "Fucking tourists. Ought to be a law," is cut out. *Stuart: You can have two: joke and you. (instead of "fuck") *Garber: No pictures, you pinko witch. (instead of "pinko bitch") *John's line, "Jesus H.--FUCK!" is edited out. *John's line, "Christ..." is edited out. *John's line, "Fucker!" is cut out. *John: Nice guess, officer. (instead of "asshole") *John's line, "Jesus!" is edited out. *John's line, "Aw, Christ!" is edited out. *John: What the hell are you people-- (instead of "fuck") *John: You gotta seal this area off! (instead of "You gotta seal this area off, for Christ's sake!") *Carmine: You're the animal who just broke seven FAA... (instead of "asshole") *Carmine: What do you call that junk? (instead of "shit") *John's line, "Ok, fuck courtesy," is cut out. *Carmine: ...to the boy scouts traipsing through here! (instead of "to the god damn boy scouts traipsing through here!") *Carmine: I got a freaking reindeer flying in here from the freaking petting zoo! (instead of "fucking") *Carmine: Hell, let's shut down the whole freaking airport! (instead of "fucking") *Carmine: Because I don't need full freaking forensics... (instead of "fucking") *Carmine: Just cause the TV thinks you're hot stuff... (instead of "shit") *Carmine: I'll send your freaking captain in LA a freaking commendation! (instead of "fucking") *Carmine: ...before I have you thrown out of my airport! (instead of "my god damn airport") *John: The lead in your hat or the junk in your brains? (instead of "ass" and "shit") *John: Fat freak. (instead of "fuck") *John: Pretty gruesome job. (instead of "pretty gruesome fucking job") *John's line, "Christ," is cut out. *Powell: You're not in somebody's pool, are you? (instead of "not pissing in somebody's pool") *Carmine: They got it right on the news. (instead of "the fucking news") *John: Somebody's about to seriously fool with this airport. (instead of "fuck") *John: What do you think this is? (instead of "What the fuck") *Carmine: You're the one who gave us that freaking body. (instead of "fucking") *Trudeau: You can't do this! (instead of "Dammit, you can't do this!") *John: ...that has no extradition treaties. (instead of "that has no extradition treaties, we're fucked.") *Carmine: They're talking us out of our own system. (instead of "our own god damn system") *John: Hey, forget Monday morning! (instead of "fuck") *John: My wife's on one of those planes these guys are fooling with! ("god damn" is cut out, and "fucking" is replaced with "fooling") *John: If you had moved your fat feet when I told you to, we wouldn't be hip-deep in snow right now! (instead of "ass" and "shit") *John's line, "Get your fucking hands off me," is cut out. *Carmine's line, "We're working here, for shit's sake!" is cut out. *Carmine: Two unauthorized personnel in the front tower. (instead of "fucking") *Carmine: Would you get them out of the elevator, or you're gonna find a pink slip in your Christmas stocking! ("get your thumb out of your ass" and "god damn" are cut out of the line) *Samantha: Can't fool with what guy? (instead of "fuck") *John: Joke off. (instead of "fuck") **The "joke" in this line is actually audio of Colonel Stuart saying "joke" earlier in the film. *John: Man, I can't believe this. (instead of "man, I can't fucking believe this") *John: How can the same stuff happen to the same guy twice? (instead of "shit") *John: Christmas tree... (instead of "fucking Christmas tree...") *John: I gotta crawl around this tin can! (instead of "this motherfucking tin can") *SWAT Leader's line, "Hey, asshole!" is cut out. *The shot of the SWAT leader getting shot in the head is shortened. *Several bloody shots of the SWAT team gun fight scene are cut out. *John's line, "Shit!" is edited out. *A terrorist's line, "Fuck!" is cut out. *John's lines, "Motherfucker!" and "Fucking son of a bitch!" are cut out. *A terrorist's line, "I'm gonna kick your fucking ass" is cut out. *John's line, "God damn" and "Jerk us off" are cut out. *John: I want to hear what these--saying. ("bastard" is edited out) *John's line, "Hey, Colonel, blow me," is cut out. *A worker's line, "Oh, Jesus," is cut out. *John: He's gonna crash the plane! (instead of "Jesus Christ, he's gonna crash the fucking plane!") *Trudeau's line, "Son of a bitch" is cut out. *The pilot's line, "Jesus!" is cut out. *John's line, "Motherfucker", is edited out. *John: I was pretty useless. (instead of "pretty god damn useless") *Dick's friend: I wouldn't let those animals check them in. (instead of "assholes") *John: One platoon?! (instead of "One fucking platoon?!") *Grant's line, "You showed a pretty big set of balls out there," is cut out. *John: Make up your mind! (instead of "make up your fucking mind!") *John: Oh, we are just up to our neck in terrorists again, John. (instead of "ass") *John: That's right, we'll have you in five minutes. (instead of "that's right, asshole") *John's line, "And now that I got your sorry ass, I'm gonna trade it for my wife!" is cut short. *John's line, "Oh, shit!" is edited out. *Garber: You lucky fool. (instead of fuck) *John's line, "Where's the fucking door?" is cut out. *John: Well, at least I'm thinking! (instead of "thinking, god damn it!") *Grant: Listen, you wise guy. We're here to service that hijacker till he tries to take off. (instead of "ass", "jerk off", and "cocksucker") *Lady: Somebody ought to get reprimanded for this mess. (instead of "their ass kicked") *John: We've looked at 12 houses and we're nowhere. (instead of "12 fucking houses") *John's line, "Who gives a fuck?" is cut out. *Carmine's line, "You're where?! God damn it!" is cut out. *John's line, "Shit!" is edited out. *The shots of Baker's bloody eye when he gets stabbed are cut out. *Grant: Lorenzo, shut your trap up. (instead of "shut the fuck up") *John's line, "You're not such an asshole after all," is cut out. *Grant's line, "No, you were right. I'm just your kind of asshole," is cut out. *John's line, "Oh, Jesus Christ," is cut out. *Grant's line, "Do you believe the balls on this son of a bitch?" is cut out. *Grant's line, "Check out your own fucking plane," is cut out. *The shot of Telford's throat being slit is cut out. *Carmine: McClane, are you out of your freaking mind?! (instead of "fucking") *John: They're gonna get on the same plane with him and take off with him! (instead of "same god damn plane") *Carmine: Get the hell out of here! (instead of "fuck") *John: Sideshow to buy them some time! (instead of "sideshow to jerk us off, buy 'em some time!") *Carmine: You are completely around the bends! (instead of "the fucking bends") *Carmine: You're under arrest! (instead of "you're under arrest, you motherfucker!") *Carmine's line, "Jesus Christ," is cut out. *Carmine: It's time to kick heads. (instead of "ass") *Trudeau's line, "That stupid, arrogant son of a bitch" is cut out. *Carmine's line, "Shit! God damn it to hell, fuck!" is cut out. *Carmine: Will you move that no-good piece of junk out of here?! (instead of "god damn" and "shit") *Carmine: Get the hell out of the car! (instead of "fuck") *John: They left the hangar! (instead of "Shit, they left the hanger!") *John's line, "God damn it", is edited out. *John: Take it down! (instead of "take it fucking down!") *John: What are you doing on the wing of this plane? (instead of "what the fuck") *Esperanza's lines, "Mierda" and "Hijo de puta", both Spanish obscenities, are edited out. *Stuart's line, "Son of a bitch!" is cut out. *The shot of Grant's blood hitting the plane is cut out. *John's line, "This is for Flight 114, motherfucker!" is edited out. *John: Yippee-ki-yay, Mister Falcon! (instead of "yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker") *The lady's line, "Asshole!" is edited out. Die Hard with a Vengeance *John: Ten blocks? You kidding me? (instead of "You fucking kidding me?") *John: This Simon is messing up a perfectly good hangover. (instead of "fucking") *The sign that reads "I Hate Niggers" is digitally changed to "I Hate Everyone". *Zeus's line, "Not to get too personal, but a white man in Harlem wearing a sign that says, 'I hate niggers' has either got serious personal issues, or not all his dogs are barking," is cut out. *Gang Member: What the hell is that?! (instead of "What the fuck?!") *Zeus's line, "Oh, shit!" is edited out. *Gang Member: Shut your face! (instead of "shut the fuck up") *The line, "Fellas! Nature boy here hates niggers. Now, what are we gonna do about that?" is cut out. *Zeus: Back the hell up! (instead of "fuck") *Zeus: Stop the damn cab! (instead of "god damn") *John: Get the hell out of here! (instead of "fuck") *Zeus: Put that filthy money away! (instead of "fucking") *Zeus's line, "Oh, fuck," is edited out. *John: Ah, dammit. (instead of "god damn it") *Zeus: Don't fool with me or I'll shove a lightning bolt up your butt-Zeus! (instead of "fuck" and "ass") *John:...where you tell me what the hell this has to do with me. (instead of "fuck") *John: He's a flunky, not a psycho. (instead of "fuck-up") *Zeus: You can stick your well-laid plan up your well-laid tail. (instead of "ass") *John: I understand that you're a freaky wacko... (instead of "fucking") *John: Forget the man! (instead of "fuck") *Taxi driver: What the hell are you doing? (instead of "fuck") *John: It's gotta be a record! (instead of "a fucking record") *John's line, "God damn!" is cut out. *John's line, "Fuck this!" is cut out. *Zeus: Get away from the phone! (instead of "the god damn phone!") *Lady: You are so full of stories, Walsh! (instead of "shit") *John: Very funny. (instead of "fuck you") *The scene where Katya kills the security guard with a large knife is shortened. *Zeus' line, "Shit! SHIT!" is edited out. *Kid: Let me go, skinhead! (instead of "dickhead") *The scene where John kills the terrorists in the elevator is shortened. *John: Put your hands up now! (instead of "Put your fucking hands up now!") *John: Jeez, Zeus. (instead of "Jesus Christ") *John: Simon says! (instead of "Simon fucking says!") *Zeus: Oh, snap! (instead of "shit") *Zeus: Slow down, shoot! (instead of "shit") *John: Put that gold down! (instead of "shit") *Zeus: No way! (instead of "no fucking way") *Zeus's line, "Only problem is, takes too fuckin' long!" is cut out. *The following exchange is cut out: **'John': Oh, shit! **'Zeus': What? *John's line, "Oh, Jesus Christ," is cut out. *Man: Go take a hike! (instead of "go fuck yourself") *Construction worker: I'm gonna write those clowns up! (instead of "those fucking clowns") *The shot of John killing two of the terrorists is cut out. *John: Nils is dead, bonehead! (instead of "fuckhead") *John's line, "Holy shit!" is edited out. *The following exchange is cut out: **'Zeus': Aw, what the fuck happened? **'John': You got a triple-A card? *Zeus: ...you racist melon farmer. (instead of "motherfucker") *Zeus: Don't even move. (instead of "fucking") *Many of the shots of John beating Targo with the chain is cut out. *John's line, "Fuck!" is edited out. *Connie: No! (instead of "shit") *John: There's a big black and white boat in the middle of the harbor. (instead of "fucking boat") *Zeus: No riddle's gonna diffuse this thing?! (instead of "stop this motherfucker") *John's line, "Don't drop this motherfucker, alright?" is edited out. *Zeus: What the hell is "sorta separated"? (instead of "fuck") *Zeus: You blame that on your wife, do you, right? (instead of "that shit") *Zeus's line, "God damn it!" is edited out. *John: Damn! (instead of "Shit!") *John: I don't see it! (instead of "I don't fucking see it!") *Zeus: Why's it doing that?! (instead of "what the fuck is that?!") *Zeus: Get out of here! (instead of "get the fuck out of here") *John: I gotta do something! (instead of "I gotta fucking do something") *Zeus: Forget that, McClane. (instead of "fuck") *Holly's line, "God damn it, you son of a bitch," is cut out. *Zeus: Run, suckers! (instead of "motherfuckers") *The scene where John loads his gun before facing Simon is cut out. *John: Yippee-ki-yay, my friend. (instead of "yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker") Live Free or Die Hard *Lucy: You are such an ass. (instead of "asshole") *Matt: Got a lot of -- for it... ("shit" is muted) *Matt's line, "Shit," is edited out. *Matt: Once you're on that damn list... (instead of "god damn") *Matt: I have lots of other cool -- in here ("shit" is muted) *Matt's line, "Shit," is edited out. *John: Let's go, damn it! (instead of "god damn") *Matt: I got a big problem with the news. (instead of "big god-damn problem") *John: I don't give a --. ("shit" is muted) *John: Cut the bull--, honey. ("shit" is muted) *John: It's Detective McClane, ass. (instead of "asshole") *Matt's line, "Shit" is cut out. *Matt: Start the -- damn car! ("God" is muted) *John: That's enough of this kung fu! (instead of "kung fu shit") *Matt's line, "Shit," is edited out. *Matt: We just got the -- kicked out of us! ("shit" is muted) *John's line "God damn it!" is cut out. *Gabriel's line, "Jesus Christ," is cut out. *Matt: OH! (instead of "OH SHIT!") *Gabriel's line, "God damn it," is cut out. *John's line, "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfu--gunshot" is shortened to "Yippee-ki-yay, mother--gunshot". A Good Day to Die Hard *John's line, "GOD DAMN YOU! GOD DAMN IT!" is cut out. *John's line, "What the fuck do you think..." is edited out. *The civilian's line, "You're gonna fucking run over me?!" is edited out. *John: You gotta be kidding me! (instead of "you gotta be fucking kidding me!") *Alik: I've had enough of this. (instead of "this shit") *John: Jack, what was that, huh? (instead of "Jack, what the fuck was that?" *John's line, "Spy shit", is cut out. *John: I'm on Russian vacation! (instead of "fucking") *Jack: I'm so burned. (instead of "I'm so fucking burned") *Jack: I need that file to un-''foul'' this mission. (instead of "fuck") *Jack: Like you'd give a damn. (instead of "shit") *John: What is it with all this "John" crap? (instead of "shit") *Jack: ...making crap up. (instead of "shit") *Jack: Put all your damn guns down, idiot! (instead of "Put your god damn guns down, asshole!") *Jack: Killing bad guys! (instead of "Fucking killing bad guys") *Jack: Drat! (instead of "shit") *Jack's line, "Fuck," is edited out. *Jack: ...making crap up as we go. (instead of "shit") *John: Let's go kill some bad guys. (instead of "motherfuckers") *Alik: The file better be here. (instead of "the fucking file") *John: I'm on vacation! (instead of "I'm on fucking vacation!") *John: The things we do for our kids! (instead of "shit") *John: Yippee-ki-yay. (instead of "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker") Category:Miscellaneous